In the summer of 2008, I played in the “Really Big Show U.S. Open”, a golf outing for Tony Rizzo’s show on WKNR.
It was being played at Coppertop. The format was a four man scramble, and each player got one mulligan. Let it be known that it was a TORRENTIAL EFFING DOWNPOUR.
(image via)
The tee time had been pushed back a couple hours, so we were sitting around, having a few beers. It almost got to the point that they were going to cancel the outing and hold a poker tournament, which pretty much would have been the last thing I’d want to do, since I hate poker.
The team consisted of myself, my buddies Po and Steve, and a scratch golfer, Greg.
We teed off on number 10, and on this hole you could choose to use Rizzo’s or his co-host’s (Aaron Goldhammer) tee shot. Rizzo puts one out there in a pretty good spot, then Hammer pulls out a 7-wood from 1993 and hits about a foot behind the ball and it flies (I’m using the term “fly” very loosely) almost directly horizontal, and roughly 50 yards. Far and away it was the worst golf swing I have ever seen.
Anyway we end up using one of our team’s drives, and hit the green, but leaving at least a 30 foot putt. Mind you there is standing water everywhere on this green, and we don’t even have a clean look at the hole. We end up two putting, parring the hole. Not the best way to start a scramble.
You know what else isn’t good in a scramble? Parring the next three holes after that. Yes, we were even par through four holes, and at this point we had to have been towards the bottom of the leaderboard.
The weather started to turn, and we started tearing the course up, but there are a few events that really stand out. Steve hit a ridiculous 20 foot putt on number three to keep our birdie streak alive (we had eight straight at this point).
The next hole was the long drive contest, and I was determined to win. Long story short, I did, but it wasn’t even the best drive, and we didn’t use it. We go on to birdie that hole, and we’re rolling. Next hole, we get a good drive in the middle of the fairway, and we’re roughly 130 yards out with a good look in. This is when it appeared the wheels were falling off.
Steve pushes his approach right. Mine goes long. Greg’s goes long, and Po’s is on the front of the green. Seeing as though we all had our mulligans, Greg decides to use his. His shot goes long, again. Steve uses his, and he pushes it right, again. So Po has to use his, and he gets it to the back of the green, about 15 feet away.
We’re looking at this putt for birdie, and none of us want to break the streak we have going. Steve misses the putt, then Greg, then me, then Po. I’m the only one with a mulligan left, and I decide to take it.
In what would become one of my top five sports moments in my pathetic sports history, I sunk the putt, and we are absolutely on fire. But, we’re out of mulligans, and we still had a few holes left.
The cart had a real time leaderboard inside, and we found ourselves climbing it, and fast. Nobody was rolling the way we were, we just didn’t know if we dug ourselves too deep of a hole by parring the first four holes.
On number seven, a par three, we end up about 30 feet from the hole, but this is a tough, downhill, breaking putt. Steve misses, Greg misses, I miss. So it’s up to Po. He is a very good putter, and he said that he absolutely knew the line, and he was gonna sink this putt. He then sank the eff out of it, and you could probably hear us celebrating miles away.
We birdie number eight, and step onto number nine (which is a par five) and get a real good drive out there, deep enough to hit the green in two. None of us hit the green, but we were in a very good position to birdie. We get up and down, for a streak of 14 straight birdies.
Four pars, 14 birdies. And one tie match.
You see, another group came in at –14, and instead of letting the winner be determined by actual play on the course, they decided a scorecard playoff would decide who would win the inaugural “Really Big Show U.S. Open”.
Our four pars on the back nine came back to bite us in the ass, and we took second place. However, had a playoff determined the winner, there is no doubt in my mind that we would have lost. We are riding a ridiculous birdie streak, and we had all of the momentum.
Why am I still harping on the outcome of a four man scramble more than a year and a half later? BECAUSE THEY SHOULD HAVE LET US SETTLE THIS ON THE COURSE. It left such a sour taste we decided to not play this year.
There’s my heartbreaking golf story. I’m sure I’ll be telling this tale for years to come, much to the dismay of anybody that is around me once a few too many drinks are consumed and we’re telling stories from the golf course?
Have any stories of your own? Email them to me at tribalpursuit@chroniclet.com, and I’ll publish them.
If you need me I’ll be punching holes in the wall.
