“The Sandlot” is one of the best kids’ sports movies in history, and you won’t find many kids who disagree with that.
I’ve never seen “The Sandlot 3”, but from a quick glance at it’s Wikipedia page, it sounds like it could be the worst movie ever made.
(image via)
Let me just tell you, it involves Luke Perry and time travel. You read that correctly. After reading about it, I’m convinced Luke Perry had some kind of drug problem he needed to finance, because I can’t think of any other reason he’d agree to do the movie. I’m just going to excerpt some of the plot for you, because there is no better way to make fun of it than to just simply read the ridculousness.
As a matter of fact there is, and we’ll do this the same way we made fun of the guy running the marathon.
Successful, arrogant baseball superstar Tommy "Santa" Santorelli is knocked unconscious by a wild pitch, taking him back in time to 1976. .
I guarantee this character drives a red convertible, and is angrily talking on a cell phone belittling somebody, probably his agent/manager.
He wakes up to all of his childhood friends from the Sandlot greeting him. He asks who jacked his blackberry and why is everyone calling him kid. After seeing his reflection in the sheriff’s sunglasses he realizes he is not in the year 2006, but in the year 1976. He faints.
So he sees all of his childhood friends as FREAKING CHILDREN, and his first question is “who jacked his blackberry”?
Tommy wakes to his mother, who died of cancer, telling him everything is all right. He is convinced he is dreaming until he wakes up and his mother is making pancakes.
Let me get this straight…he is convinced he is dreaming until he sees his dead mother cooking pancakes?
His mom calls the doctor and he gets mad at the doctor after trying to explain what TiVo is
Seriously…of all the weird things that are happening to this kid, he feels the need to explain what TiVo is? It’s worth noting his “smoking hot girlfriend” has a reality show, which he probably feels the doctor would deem worthy of a TiVo Season Pass.
He meets Benny Rodriguez, the manager of his baseball team, the Dodgers, and asks him how they were transported back in time, but Benny is younger and has no idea what he is talking about.
“Hey coach! How was I transported back in time?”
What the hell was the manager supposed to say?
After seeing Tommy hit every single hit over the fence, and after Q calculates he has a batting average of 1.000, they decide to sneak into a movie to ask Tommy to be on their team.
Those are some complex baseball metrics. I bet Mike could do those in his head! While he’s running!
He joins the team, or Squints Pharmacy. The night he joins the team the boys go to Mr. Mertle’s House to get some old base ball equipment, and they find the house is filled with booby traps. Then Tommy and Benny teach the boys how to play better.
Of course Mr. Mertle’s house is filled with booby traps, why wouldn’t it be? Good thing they taught them to play better!
The day before the big game he went to the sandlot to find Benny and Squints talking about when they were younger, and playing on the sandlot. Then he realizes what true friendship really is
True friendship is talking about being younger, while in a sandlot.
Ryan shows up at Tommy’s house and yells to Tommy. He says "Tommy, you forgot this," throwing the winning ball up to Tommy for him to catch but it knocks him out like it did before
Dear Lord I hope this clip is on YouTube. And how hard did this Ryan character throw the ball to Tommy?
He wakes up in the hospital room as his older self to find he is married to Judy, the woman he left to play for the Yankees
Of course he sold his soul to play for the Yankees.
but soon Benny tells Tommy that he didn’t ever play for the Yankees and stayed on the Dodgers his entire career, he has two kids, Heather and Oliver, and all of his friends from the Sandlot, now adults. He realizes that he relived his childhood days but this time choosing friendship over glory and ultimately earning both.
So was the entire movie a dream? He stayed on the Dodgers, never played for the Yankees, but I presume he was hit by the pitch while playing for the Yankees? This movie sounds more confusing than LOST. And did he and all of his childhood friends grow up to be MLB players?
There are so many questions to be answered. If anyone has seen this, please enlighten me.
